Slow Ride

Does anyone besides me think that Amazon’s free shipping is taking significantly longer than it used to?

I’m one of those dopes who usually loads up my cart every time I go onto Amazon because I want to hit the 25 dollar floor needed to trigger free shipping.  And yes, I know it alerts you that free shipping usually takes something like 7 to 9 days — as opposed to, say, 3 to 5 for paid shipping — but in the past, packages delivered using free shipping have usually arrived within five days.  Now, however, it seems they’re determined to make good on that 7 to 9 day thing.  Packages I ordered on October 7, for example, do indeed arrive on October 15.

It wasn’t always this way.  It used to be that the Free Shipping was a nod and a wink agreement between you and Amazon — a flirtacious dance  that went something like this:

Me:  Hmm, Plan 9 from Outer Space is only $4.99.  Maybe I’ll order that and R. Crumb’s Heroes of Blues, Jazz and Country.

Amazon:  That’s only $18.56, though.  Add $6.44 and I’ll throw in Free Shipping!

Me:  Yeah, but shipping for these two things would only be $3.98.  I could get both of these for less than 25 bucks — and it would ship faster, too.

Amazon:  We both know that’s not true.  I’m legally obligated to tell you that Free Shipping takes 7 to 9 days, but really, I love you so much that I’ll get it to you in 3 to 5 days — the same as if you’d paid for shipping.

Me:  In that case, let me add The Coon-Sanders’ Nighthawks, Volume 2 to kick things over 25 bucks, since Free Shipping doesn’t really take as long as it says it does.  And don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.

Amazon:  Let’s never argue again.

I’m not really complaining, mind you — if I wanted my packages delivered faster, I’d pay the shipping.  But I might not be as quick to load my cart up to hit the 25 dollar trigger if I know that the free shipping will take . . . well, as long as it says it’s going to take.It’s Amazon’s fault, really, for having been so quick in the past to get my items in the mail to me.